if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize