U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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