Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my being single is dangerous.
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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