This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
