cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...