all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it