i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...