so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.