I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.