So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom