toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.