Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize