I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
