dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
