Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.