Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.