eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize