its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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