I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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