a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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