I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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