I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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