My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe