you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...