I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.