awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize