I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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