Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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