Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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