hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
