Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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