Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
