Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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