so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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