Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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