Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize