I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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