Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
