So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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