I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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