Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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