I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.