If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?