Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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