i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1