he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
