I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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