So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
