just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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