My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
