I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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