We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
