That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
