Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
