Taylor Swift is so right about you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
