I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.