I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null