He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Did I show you my penis last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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