i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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