I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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