I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
