Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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