I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
