a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen