and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.