before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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