A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I will be naked everywhere
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
