Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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