just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
